I saw the burden of “not knowing” in a brighter, happier light this week.
It may not stick.
I may agonize over futures, decisions, delays again.
Most likely, sooner than I’d like, within the next few hours even, prayers and thoughts before sleep.
Mind wandering, scheming, planning, writing scripts and watching them play like a movie.
Vivid, detailed, believable happenings. Things I’m hoping for, hoping not.
Crazy, super lifelike scenes from our lives are the make-up of my mind.
A movie with a wedding, a grandbaby, I picture bouncy blonde and blue-eyed little tomboy.
Or me driving up to a stately campus and unloading boxes into a tiny room where the little boy who loved holding hands with me will be saying goodbye.
He will be pretending to be unphased. I will hold him in hug and get quiet as I leave.
It might be the sight of my beautiful daughter in her wedding dress, hair in sweet simple bun and her boyfriend’s tender face when he sees her at last.
I may let my thoughts form stories of illness, of loss, of hardship. Of fears that accompany age.
They may come. Happy times, hard times.
God has made the one as well as the other. I think about both.
Things too wonderful for me to know. Job 42: 3
This Christmas my daughter surprised me.
She knows what a challenge I can be. Don’t ask what I want.
I like to be surprised with gifts.
I imagine her shopping and seeing the sunshine mug and thinking of me…of our song. Maybe she let her heart and sweet smile go back to our tiny little place in the country…her little head on my shoulder as I swayed in a sing-song rhythm.
“You make me happy when skies are grey.” She might remember that when I had sung for so long and her sweet eyes still popped open once I got silent that I’d add a random little story to the song, making up our special “Sunshine Song”
So, on Christmas morning, I opened the mug, looked over and smiled at my daughter. “I found it a long time ago, saved it for you.” she said.
I held it close to my chest, the little yellow mug that says “You are my Sunshine” with a sunshine to meet me at the bottom when upturned, emptied.
How sweet is it to wait expectantly for a gift?
What if we thought of “waiting for God” as waiting for a gift, a surprise?
Not knowing what we’ll get, just knowing it will be good?
Like expecting a surprise, contentedly knowing something good will be happening soon.
Think of your heart’s desires, your heart’s longing aches of waiting.
He says, shows us ” I saw this for you. I planned it this way. I have been saving this for you when I knew the time was right.”
I have been
Blessed and surprised by God.
Haven’t we all?
Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart’s desires. Psalm 37:4