I looked at a photo from the beach today.
Austin grinning a big, carefree little boy smile and Heather, beautifully classic and on the cusp of womanhood.
God really blessed me, when he chose me for them.
Their smiles so close, I ‘m there now, right now…not at all so far ago.
Felt so close, not long ago at all.
As if I could turn my head to look back, allowing my feet to follow.
And be right there again on the beach, chasing birds.
This evening the clouds were heavy with grey white borders.
Like the remnants of an overnight fire.
Beautiful, soft and white against widespread blue.
I remembered mama when I turned to see the moon.
The moon, almost full. I felt her near.
I wondered then if the rain to come on Tuesday would obscure its fullness. Would the sad, grey dark of rain clouds obscure its shine?
I walked on towards home prolonging my return.
A lightly cooler wind, as if God had suddenly, quietly moved up next to and beside me.
And I continued to think of my mama; sensing her now, again.
And turned to notice the changing clouds and continued towards home.
I noticed the red geraniums, a tradition for mama.
They’ve lasted through summer and into fall, and so I stopped to prune the brown and brittle leaves.
Looked up and saw the moon again, had followed me home.
and I think of mama.
Long ago; but, not so far ago.
I could turn my head, or glance just slightly upward, so still and quiet in just a moment’s time, five years feeling like five minutes.
I know she’s not so far away.
The moon, the clouds, the sky…and the Lord.
Stilled and quieted myself like a small child is quiet with its mother,
like a small child is my soul within me.