I figured it out, just now I believe.
Why I’ve been both enthused and stagnant all at once.
Why I yearn to create; but, only think of it. Like standing, solid and solitary.
I hold my ideas tightly to my chest…exhilarated but clinging tightly, keep them close for now.
But, I figured it out just now. The beauty of a pianist, a cautious performer. Only so much to share, perhaps the listener won’t understand, won’t honor my beautiful sound.
Yet, he played and I saw his gift.
I read this post, a blogger who often reads my words. I’d not written in a few days. I have clarity of idea, disorganization of thought. In art and writing, I thought I might just be tired. I believe it’s cherishing and caution.
I might be on the cusp. It may come soon, my time, with careful intention.
Like this pianist.
A musician, his instrument, tentative
His fingers, delicate and purposeful.
Pausing, I noticed, delayed it seemed.
As if concerned, will the touch of the tip of my finger
Elicit the beauty of note I desire?
Or should I not touch for now, not paint, not write?
Should I be hesitant, cautious, uncertain?
I’m on the cusp…an idea today, a story quite clear.
Like steep cliff ground clinging fear.
Still, I decide.
I will go slowly. I am on the cusp.
I will go lightly like the pianist, the keys, the touch of his rounded fingertips.
Plucking each key, lifting the finger, falling back after the pause to brush another.
He continued and I listened.
To the story of his decision to play.
And I understood my pause, my cusp.
Thank you, David Kanigan for making this time make sense.